I have been thinking a lot about pain this week. I have been thinking a lot about pain this week because I am in a lot of pain. Friday afternoon, my back zigged when it should have zagged. A handful of times in my life, my back has decided to seize up. Thankfully, it has been years since it happened last. I try to stay in good shape, which I think has helped. But not Friday. In fact, this one put me down worse than any other time.
Friday night I "slept" in my recliner in the living room. I love my cat. But at three in the morning when he wanted to snuggle, and then attack the evil imaginary-whatever-it-was-he-thought-he-saw that happened to be my armpit, well, let's just say he was on my bad list. I swear that cat has issues. Then of course there was the painful truth Friday night into Saturday morning that every time I adjusted my body, sharp pain shot through my lower back like a Singaporean caning.
Told you I have been thinking a lot about pain.
Today is Wednesday. I am still confined to the recliner for most of the day. The pain is less, but still there. All this time to sit has made me wonder about the other pain(s) we carry around.
Muscles have memory. If you have a bad lower back, for example, my rudimentary understanding is that the muscles remember the feeling that something is not right, and thus react. They tighten up to protect whatever it is they protect. But little do they know, you then get to spend the next few days feeling like the wrong end of someone's voodoo doll.
I think the same is true of our souls. This is an area where I have more than a rudimentary understanding. Our feelings and emotions have memory. If you were taken advantage of as a child by someone you trusted, for instance, chances are above average that you have a hard time as an adult put in similar situations to whatever looks now like it did then. In other words, if Uncle What's-His-Name was cruel to you when you were ten, people who remind you of him are going to be a bit of a challenge.
This weekend, my instinct told me to deal with the pain by going to the doctor. Good call. It helped. I am getting better.
So why are we not as proactive when dealing with our spiritual and emotional pain?
Anyone out there in bloggerland carrying around any unaddressed spiritual pain? Can I get a witness? Thought so. I think I just heard a chorus of "Amens."
If you break your thumb today, chances are good that you will go seek help. But that inner child who is hurting, well, he/she is pretty easy to ignore. At least for a while. But unlike a sore back, that pain will not ease. Truth is, it will get worse. Here's some more truth. Preacher 'bout to tell some truth. Ready?
Time does not heal all wounds.
Time does not make emotional and spiritual pain go away. On the contrary.
Our oldest son would have turned 14 this month. When Thompson died, I did not lose my faith in God. However, I was not sure I wanted to work for God any longer. How was I supposed to get up every Sunday and defend a God I was not sure I understood, much less trusted?
Not to jump too quickly to the resolution, but over these past 14 years, I have come to appreciate a God who grieves with us, who in the Word teaches us to lament to a true and living God. To this day, I ask God "Why?" and "How long?" just like the people who wrote the Bible. After all, if you cannot take your pain to God, where else can you go?
Remember the song, "Where could I go but to the Lord?"
I give thanks to God that my spirit is not as sore as it once was. My back is killing me, but my heart is softer than it once was. Some of that is thanks to getting some help to sort through some inward pain. Some of that is thanks to friends in Munday, Abilene, Paris, Tyler, and Houston, along with a few friends scattered now throughout the world. But most of it is thanks to God, even when I wonder what God is up to.
Why do I want you to know all this today? Simple. Because chances are good that some of the faithful readers at this strange little outpost on the internet are walking around today with some unaddressed, much less unresolved, spiritual and emotional pain. If that's you, go get it looked at. Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself.
If you do not have anyone to go to, you can come talk to me. I will be the guy in the Harley t-shirt in the blue recliner with an icepack on my lower back.
